Hello Dreamers:

I don’t know about the rest of you, but that last Mercury retrograde from March 22nd-April 15th in the fire sign of Aries was a doozy. In the fire sign of Aries the retrograde motion brought up issues of independence, rethinking relationships (with self and others), speaking up/or not speaking before thinking through, and may have provoked childish responses from those who didn’t get their way the way they wanted. 

All things being equal, one of the ways I chose to exercise my independence and rethink my relationship with my blog, was to not offer a March excerpt. Now that might be perceived as a childish response on my part, but I’d rather like to think of it as redefining, or revisiting, my needs given the sheer overwhelm in my life last month. I decided I need not berate myself for not following “my self imposed monthly procedure to get my blog done and out.” 

What Mercury retrograde in its course offers each of us, is the opportunity to try out a different view. Maybe come back to an issue with a fresh set of eyes. Maybe renew, repeat, redirect, refurbish, restructure, reject or re-ignite something. It’s a good time to reorganize ourselves around what we need to tweak in our life to gain more satisfaction moving forward. Hence this dream. 

The Dream:

I’m in the hospital for knee replacement surgery. I haven’t been given my packet of information. A male doctor offers to help, he’s tall, can see over the heads of all the people clustered around to find what I need. I climb up on his shoulders. He sees the packet with a white label I need, it’s sitting open on an empty chair, incomplete. I find the head nurse, the Administrator, to complain that my packet was in full view of everyone, violating my HIPAA privacy rights. I’m angry. She’s doing exercises, showing other women how to open their hips to help with the recovery from surgery. I want to know why she didn’t include me in her lesson. She said I had to ask. I wonder why I have to ask when I’m here for help in the first place and don’t know anything about this whole thing. I’m confused, angry and alone. Then I suddenly get this sense of a solid concrete feminine pillar rooted in the base of the central channel. Beside it is a watery New Mary surging up from the depths to loosen and release the concrete form of the Old Mary. I wake up.

I’m in the hospital for knee replacement surgery. I haven’t been given my packet of information.

Hospitals are places of healing. Structures that can possibly help restore something that has gone array physically, emotionally, or mentally. We go to hospitals when we need to feel better; they are often places we go to seek ‘an educated opinion about something’ and hopefully to gain insight so we can feel better or heal something. 

In this case the dreamer needs knee replacement surgery. Knees are crucial to the ability of the body to be flexible and walk forward in life. Knees also indicate the ability to bend; to surrender; to supplicate. They are joints so they symbolize changing circumstances. Knees are often seen as the part of the body that represents karma, and in many studies represents sexual desires and passion.

This dreamer needs to be more flexible with the way she needs to replace what she has ignored about her own sexual desires. She is seeking a place to heal and educate herself on what she needs to welcome the next phase into her life. This will help her to karmically adjust and educate herself, so she is able to change her circumstances, and heal that which no longer serves, engaging and exploring relationship in the new ways she may desire.

The dreamer hasn’t been given her packet of information. She doesn’t know how to do this quite yet. She wants to do it, but she’s in need of help.

A male doctor offers to help, he’s tall, can see over the heads of all the people clustered around to find what I need. I climb up on his shoulders. He sees the packet with a white label I need, it’s sitting open on an empty chair, incomplete.

The male doctor in this case represents her inner masculine. We all  are made up of both divine feminine attributes and divine masculine attributes, our souls contain all potentialities. We often make the mistake choosing an outer representation of what we wish to experience within ourselves when choosing a partners; and then get hurt in the process because they too are trying to find what they are seeking in themselves. Knowing the Self is an inner experience, not an outer one, can bring us different relationships with self or other.

The masculine offers focus, discipline and a way to logically but compassionately balance her view. He can help fix this situation, why? Because he is able to look above all the parts of herself (the people), that represent her past wounds, and/or simply get in the way of herself. That can include both her self directed isolation, and those elements she has experienced in this life that have made her pull back full feminine expression.

She needs to climb on his shoulders. She is willing to ask him to help her get above this issue. She relies on his strength, (shoulders represent being able to handle the burden for someone else) and warmth (because climbing on someone’s shoulders suggests trust, but not being yet able to have intimacy).

White, on the Wisdom Wheels as I have been taught, represents boundaries, sharing, magnetizing to ourselves what we want, and releasing what no longer serves. It also represents purity. A packet represents all the information the dreamer already knows, but hasn’t fully discovered,  but it is fully contained within her already. The purity represents coming to this inner knowing without debasing herself.

The packet is sitting on an empty chair, incomplete. Again, the packet represents the fact that she has everything within her to look at this situation with new eyes. The empty chair represents that she is not confronting something, and that makes her ability to deal with these feelings and desires, incomplete. She needs to sit with herself.

I find the head nurse, the Administrator, to complain that my packet was in full view of everyone, violating my HIPAA privacy rights. I’m angry.

She is looking for the higher authority within herself to heal this situation. And, she is upset that although she thinks this personal aspect of herself has been well hidden, that now others see this incomplete part of herself too. Her sexual desires have been exposed and brought to the forefront of her waking life, and this is still uncomfortable on one or more levels. She still holds anger around her desires and her past history with men, which needs to be addressed. Her higher authority, higher self, is exposing her to normal human physical needs, and that feels a bit like a violation.

She’s doing exercises, showing other women how to open their hips to help with the recovery from surgery. I want to know why she didn’t include me in her lesson. She said I had to ask. I wonder why I have to ask when I’m here for help in the first place and don’t know anything about this whole thing. I’m confused, angry and alone.

The higher authority (administrative nurse) is doing exercises with other women to open their hips….open their sexuality as part of their recovery. The dreamer is angry she wasn’t included in the lessons that would help her open herself again to sexual exploration or partnership. She may need to find a ‘teacher’ or counselor to help her explore this.

The nurse tells her she has to ask. We all need to ask for help when we are confused and uncertain; we often need to find new means to explore what still feels unknown to us. Yes, she has to go within and ask herself why? and how? and what? to all the ways she has , or still limits the expression of her desires and passions. It is suggested that she look at her fear, and anger, and whatever else comes up in her ‘inner discussion’ with the part of her being that wishes to be liberated. She clearly doesn’t know how to approach that discussion and that leaves her confused, angry and still alone.

Then I suddenly get this sense of a solid concrete feminine pillar rooted in the base of the central channel. Beside it is a watery New Mary surging up from the depths to loosen and release the concrete form of the Old Mary. I wake up.

If I understand this part of the dream, her Divine Feminine is still within her central core, her knowingness, her supreme being, but it has become atrophied, a concrete pillar, instead of flesh and blood, movement and action, desire and aliveness….she is awakening. A statue simulates life, it is not life.

A watery new Mary shows her that emotionally she is capable of rising from the depths of herself, her subconscious self wants and needs to be brought to a new measure of life, releasing the old ways she has confined herself. 

Some say Mary means ‘star of the sea’, others that the word comes from the Hebrew, and means ‘bitter’. We juggle both those factors within us as women. There are many Mary’s: Virgin Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Mary of Bethany (Martha & Lazarus’s sister), Mary Salome (Salome means peace).

These are all the Mary’s within us as women that we need to uncover and give voice to. Each of the Mary’s teaches us something about ourselves: the way we forget to mother and nurture ourselves; the way we have allowed others to malign our worth or worse, done that to ourselves; the way we can help ourselves rise again; the way we can find peace–what ever that means for us, for it is different for, and equally special in each of us.  All these aspects are part of the personal healing process when we choose a higher view of who we are, and allow that to manifest outwardly.

Thank you dreamer for sharing.