What Movie do you Replay?

I have been hearing from a lot of people that they have been having “dreams in review.” It is why I chose this particular dream for this month’s blog. People have told me that they are dreaming of folks from their past; people who have died; situations they thought they had a handle on, or had overcome. I have been having some doozies of my own, which made me ask, Why Now?”

To set the stage, this is something I posted on FB about a week ago in response to another friends dream posting. My share: “I have a friend who teaches lucid dreaming in England, and he was telling me that one of the reasons there’s a rash of people having weird dreams right now is because of the ‘stay in’ order. That we’re not dealing with the everyday confusion, triggers, to-do lists, running around, work deadlines that usually get cleared during our dream time.”

With the 24/7 fear media and the social distancing, not only are we living in a new level of ‘quiet’ stress, but we have no one to process our thoughts with in isolation. If we are not in isolation we are thrown together in new ways with our partners or children that promote a different type of stress. Without our dreams centering on the activities of our day-to-day, and influencing our nightly sojourns, what is happening now is that we’re sinking deeper and deeper into our own personal subconscious, our unprocessed fears, or the pool of what we still need to discover, unearth, and/or process yet ‘again,’ to understand more about the choices we’ve made. And WHY?

Possibly this is a ‘gift’ of this virus? The capacity to delve deeper into the voice of our bizarre or nightmarish dreams, simply because they stimulate further consideration for the ways we will choose to make future choices in our waking state moving forward. On all levels this virus is a reboot of grand proportions, so why not our dream musings too.

“According to an ongoing study the Lyon Neuroscience Research Center in France initiated in March, the coronavirus pandemic has caused a 35 percent increase in dream recall among participants, with respondents reporting 15 percent more negative dreams than usual.”

The Dream:
I have had a couple of dreams lately about an ex-boyfriend who I adored. It ended six years ago when he just stopped calling. I was annoyed/upset about the dreams because I’ve done SO much work on letting him go that I took them as a sign that even after all this time I still haven’t properly let go. I fall in love with alpha males. I am ridiculous in this as I see the pattern but can’t stop myself.

I included part of her backstory here because she states clearly what she feels her issue is. She is already chastising herself for the fact that falling in love deserves great loss and a broken heart. Why? Because she has chosen alpha males, and somehow that is wrong and deserves punishment. Now there’s a storyline that needs a revisit!!!

And, she thought because this happened 6 years ago, (and she worked hard at letting it go), that there still shouldn’t be something to process. Six (6) on the wisdom wheel is the number of trust, communication and faith. I share this with her (and you the reader), because I know from giving this woman a reading a short time ago, that she has the potential within the next year to have a man walk into her life. It will take trust; she certainly will need to shush her ‘critical voice’; and when he shows up, probably as an alpha male (no reason to condemn who turns us on), she will need to have faith. You can’t learn faith, you either have it or you don’t.

Not all alpha males are uncaring, nor unable to fully love their partner. So I see this dream as a preparation for her to unravel the false stories she has told herself about love; her capacity to be loved by someone she desires; and that there is someone who can truly love her for who and what she is. Certainly her inner story needs tweaking as she walks into her future.

So, to the dreams. The first dream I was walking along and suddenly saw him coming and realized I looked a complete mess and in particular I had no make-up on. I felt a kind of horror – an elation at seeing him and an urgency of “I must hide quickly, he mustn’t see me like this!”

What’s happening is not going on between the dreamer and her ex, it is about something happening within herself. She is a mess when she thinks of finding love again. He embodies what she needs to discover and feel about herself. That she can be “seen” for all of who she is. But instead she thinks she must hide from that euphoria of having those feelings of excitement and connection again—to change the type of person that she is attracted to, or to be hurt again.

She has no makeup on—she has to look at herself devoid of any masks and know that her true self is capable of being embraced fully just because of who she is. And, maybe this is a part of herself that she has tried to hide from past lovers, to please them instead of herself, or perhaps make her persona appear aloof to their reactions or hurtful rejections. Does she have a  fear of appearing too vulnerable? Where did that false story start? We are all vulnerable in love.

The second dream had two parts – one in which he was about to get married to this current girlfriend (he never wanted to marry me) and I was congratulating him and being all “spiritual” about how pleased I was for him to find the person who was exactly right for him after a lifetime of ‘searching’ (he’s been married 4 times). Ugh so false of me! Though I think I kind of believed even myself in the dream.

When a dream is in two parts it is often our Higher Self trying to get the information to us in more than one way. The pain that he has chosen someone else, not her, is a reflection that she has not put herself first in relationships.

Partnership/Marriage is about union, and this dream is trying to focus the dreamer to consider the union of her Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine. When we know our inner lover, we will more often than not be able to find our outer lover, because we are not looking to plug a hole we think can only be fulfilled ‘out there.’ We often ask lovers to satisfy something that we are afraid to realize or own in our self—or perhaps think is broken in our self, or been falsely modeled in our family of origin. This is why alot of partnerships break up, because at a certain point the other can’t fulfill what is broken, missing or unfulfilled within us.

She’s acting “all spiritual”….like there is a higher, more enlightened way to falsify our inner pain. Is it not spiritual to acknowledge our pain? That’s a lie we tell ourselves, and often why even our ‘spiritual’ persuasions fall away as well, in part because they don’t fill the hole.

No Law of Attraction will come to manifestation if we are not ‘Attracted to Our Self.’ It sounds like she has been searching for a lifetime—out there—to find what she needs to fall in love with—in here. [That is not criticism or judgement, it is something we all are prone to do.]

He’s been married 4 times. I would ask the dreamer how many times she has been in relationships where she has been rejected or left…or was the one doing the rejecting or leaving? Four is the number of the Emperor, suggesting she has tried to work things out with strong, desirable, career oriented, powerful men. But 4 is also the number on the Wisdom Wheel that asks us to look at our motivation, see clearly, observe what makes us choose one thing over another, and to then perceive ‘our truth’ so we can make better choices the next time. So dreamer, admit what attracts you and moving forward know the signs when it is not working; seek instead the equation you need to define your own needs to make it work for you. That is not self-fish, that is self-worth.

The second part of the dream, he was ill and came to seek me out. He had terrible pains in his feet and I was flattered and pleased that he’d finally come back to me. I think his business was also maybe collapsing. (I always thought of this guy as a genius and felt lucky to be with him).

He comes back, but he is ill. What is the emotion you felt? In addition what is the emotion you are feeling right now about life? About love? About desire?

He has terrible pain in his feet. Everyone in the dream represents who they are, but also an aspect of one’s self….are you ready to move forward again. Do you think you can look at the pain of that experience maybe one more time to tease out a bit more clarity of how you do relationship, and why you do it that way? Your feet are your foundation to move forward on the Earth. You thought he was a genius, do you see the genius in yourself? His business is collapsing, which was probably everything in his world back then. Maybe as you revisit how your world collapsed with him, not to bring back the pain, but so you can let go of the falsities that might be holding you back from falling in love again.

This was worse because when I reflected on the dream when I woke up I suddenly imagined myself as Kathy Bates in Misery, where I had willed this accident on him to make him less powerful so that he’d come back to me.

I loved this, she has defined what she believes to be her destined movie sequence. What a perfect metaphor her dreaming-self left her with. My dream teacher, Gram Twylah, always reminded me to write down the impression of the dream when I first came back to waking. It was the underlying point of the entire dream sequence.

Misery, how do you wish to experience relationships? In the horror movie of the same name, Bates damaged her male obsession so he had to stay with her. Playing on words, how do you “Bait” yourself.  Do you tell yourself you need to accidentally or purposefully fall in love with the same old ‘story’ and continue to make yourself less powerful in another’s partnership movie?

No you don’t need to be afraid to fall in love and experience it once again. You know more about yourself, your worth, your value so that your next romantic movie can end differently this time. As Carlos Castaneda said: “The trick is what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy-the amount of work is the same.

Thank you dreamer for sharing.